DEEP TIMES

Sometimes I see my eyes in the mirror, and I notice them brights and sleepy, like worn out by the seas of last night. (You know it, when we cry.) I see my eyes and I find petrified scenes like old photographies. Yes, that look that made me fly over life and death. That kisses that drew my smile. That hot chest where my head rested and where I listened the most exotic heartbeats that I´ve know in my life. I see my eyes in the mirror and I find the shadows of your tottering footsteps, while , with my head high, I spend the days inventing the way to breathe without detect your scent, look around without finding myself with your lost eyes, walk and not stumble with your steps, to suffer less and not stop loving. 

Sometimes I see my eyes in the mirror, and I remember  the night I lost my fucking head and I lost you. I go around in the same place and just listen that voice in my head: "weren´t you, were your demons" and I can´t hold up the idea of not doing something, and I go crazy. In the mirror I see that figure running away and I fell that sensation again. Yes, the heat of your hands, the last kiss, that look... far away. 

Sometimes I don´t believe in myself cause lack me you, and I cry silently for the shame, remembering so many nights shouting out your name in my bed. (alarming to my parents). Sometimes I need more hugs than usual, specially your hugs. Sometimes I get lost again, in myself deep down. ¡Dammit! and it´s hard for me find a trace of me in your memory.

I´m freezing to find out that I still fell you and I only see a chained box at the botton of the sea. Sometimes I see my eyes in the mirror and I hate myself. I don´t think that I´m strong and admirable as you told me so many times, because time makes fun of me and show me stained pictures. 

Sometimes I fell worse than today: dressed with old rags and lost in myself. No, don´t think I´m still with the same, but you know that I can´t hide things like this and sometimes I have pain to spare to miss you; hate, to love you more; verses to forget you.